I have been writing a series of letters to my son over the years. Am reproducing some of the thoughts that have evolved as I have grown as a person/husband/father/student over the years. I want to ensure that I am not superimposing my thoughts on him, and hence want to give him a choice of decisions that he should be making when he grows up. 

I am open to criticism that I did not tell him the right thing, but I know that I am not the best person to answer that given that I am not sure myself.

Principles of affordability and reciprocity

The principle of affordability means that you assign a value to anything that you do for others. And if that value is something you think you can afford (for instance, stress affects health and should be avoided by paying a monetary price that you can afford), you should do it.

On the other hand, the principle of reciprocity means that you do things for the others expecting/returning equivalent responses and actions from them.

Many discussions later, I have come to have another analogy to this argument. I think the principle of reciprocity is like building a long transaction history, with the parties to the transaction relying on previous behavior to determine creditability of the other party. This works well in cultures that have grown inorganically, because the only shared history and background between two parties is the transactions that they have had. I think the US society is the best example where this kind of a system works well.

The principle of affordability works better in cases where the two parties have more in common than just transactions - background, blood line, culture, shared history etc. which allows a certain amount of comfort and large-heartedness in relationships that extends beyond just the history of transactions. Hence, it will work better in societies that have grown organically, like the Asian societies for instance.

I have also come to realize that these are not mutually exclusive. When the transaction history becomes long and people remember it (new technology is surely helping that), people will need to become more virtuous, and this will lead to greater trust and bonding, which will lead to longer shared histories further leading to people following the principle of affordability eventually.

Which to follow is for one to decide and adopt? Would love to hear your comments on this.